The Importance of Being Honest

I have two brothers. We’ll call them B and G.

G went through a phase in our childhood where he never told a lie. It wasn’t so much that he was good, he was just fearless. B and I on the other hand weren’t so brave. One Saturday afternoon my mother unveiled a packet of HobNobs. After giving us our approved rations, she lined us up, told us in no uncertain terms not to touch the rest of the biscuits and left the house.

A few hours later I found B hiding in our bedroom, his face covered in biscuit crumbs. ‘I’m not there o!’ I shouted at him. I didn’t think he would get caught though. Surely my mother wouldn’t notice if one or two were missing? I plunked myself down in front of the TV and forgot all about B and his misdemeanour. Fast forward a few more hours.

‘B, G, MEE, COME HERE NOW!!!’ Oh oh, Mummy was back. We sprinted to her room dreading the plight that awaited us. ‘I’m innocent,’ I kept thinking, ‘I’ll be alright.’

‘Who ate the biscuits I left in my drawer?’

Straight to business. She wasn’t playing.

‘Mummy it wasn’t me,’ we all chorused.

‘I’ll ask you again. Who ate the biscuits I left in my drawer?’

‘Mummy I don’t know,’ we chorused.

‘G, was it you?’

‘No mummy, it wasn’t me.’

‘You can go. I know you don’t tell lies.’

Huh?! I thought to myself, that simple?

‘MEE and B, if one of you doesn’t confess I will flog you until you turn black and blue.’

Silence. What can I say, I WAS a loyal sister. I now know better.

‘You don’t want to confess ehn? Okay, I will deal with you.’

Before we could plan our exit strategy, she picked up her koboko and the flogging began.

‘Who ate the biscuits ehn, who ate the biscuits?!’

With each stroke the pitch of her voice went up a notch.

‘Mummy it wasn’t me!’ I wailed.

‘I will not have children who tell lies. Today you will learn how to tell the truth.’

Unable to bear the agony anymore, my brother cried out,’ I ate six and gave her four!’

YOU WHAT?!?!?!

‘B, you gave me what?! So you even ate everything. Why are you now lying?’

My mother focused all her attention on me.

‘Your brother has confessed and you are still lying. You are still lying.’

I’ve never been flogged so much in all my life. When B saw that my mother was willing to go for the grave, he fessed up.

‘Mummy I didn’t give her any, I ate it alone.’

With those words I escaped premature death.

I still haven’t forgiven you. Watch your back B…and you too Mummy!

xxxMEE

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20 comments

  1. why u tryna make augusta out to be a meanie…. you know ya’ll desrved all you got :p

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  2. LOL!!!!
    At least all that brushing didn’t go to waste, u turned out alright…though he should have let them brush u little bit more to beat out any traces of a lying spirit!!!

    Love em! Keep them coming!!x

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  3. As the lawyer representing G, notice is hereby served that we intend to sue for maligning our client in the penultimate sentence of the 3rd paragraph.
    Our client committed no misdemeanour as you have alleged and so we demand a retraction.

    Having said that, the thought of you being flogged [properly I might add] is one which I am unable to quarrel with 🙂

    A lil’ flogging never hurt nobody.
    Dont you now just regret not eating at least one HobNob?

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  4. @ Double Eph: One day,one day, you will have nice things to say to me! Lol. I should have eaten the thing abi? I actually can’t stand HobNobs now. Disgusting! he he

    @ Big Brother: I think you’re the one needing my forgiveness. Traitor!

    I did turn out alright. Proof that flogging isn’t always a bad thing eh?! Thanks guys! xxx

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  5. Kai! Nothing worse than being punished for a crime you did not commit.
    Did your mum apologise? What did she say after the confession?

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  6. MsLuffa! She did apologise but I blanked her for a couple of days afterwards. I was not impressed at all! Lol. NOTHING happened to B after his confession. There really is no justice in this world! *smh*

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  7. …”NOTHING HAPPENED to B after his confession KE!!!!”…

    …Please ALLOW me to fill y’all in on the “missing” detail.

    …I’m guessing that “B’s” tactic was to let mummy EXPEND most of her energy spreading that ass whooping around, so that when it came time to finally confess, mummy would be on reserve tank, and the residual ass whooping wouldn’t be as intense!!!…

    …’ol boy that plan DID NOT WORK…mumsi whooped my ass like I was Kunta Kinte…you should have seen me the next day, I could have easily been a body – double for that guy in The Passion of the Christ!!!…

    In summary, and at your OWN PERIL you are free to believe that “There really is no justice in this world! *smh*”

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  8. Now now B, that’s so not how I remember the story ending! LOL. However it did end, you still set me up for a good beating so if you really did get trashed (which you didn’t) you would have more than deserved it! :-p

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  9. Now Now Osapu, the story “ended” for you the minute you and “G” were ordered to exit the room, leaving me behind with mumsi and her weapons of mass destruction!!!

    In any case I DID get my arse whooped, and YES I “may” have deserved it but as the “GOOD BOOKS” say “Let he that is without sin cast the first stone.”

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  10. LMFOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Oh my days that sounds like a day in my house hahahaha

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  11. Awwww so G has always been the good son.

    B you are wicked oh…..so you could do push ups while getting flogged in skool(effizy moves, aka chesting)but you could not chop momsie’s flogging solo you had to include poor Osayi.

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