9.30pm. I was walking home in the rain, exhausted. All I wanted was to curl up in bed with a cup of tea and watch Desmond Elliot on YouTube. Umbrella up, head down, I was all but running down the street when I heard a car horn. I ignored it. The horning didn’t stop. Irritated, I looked up to find out what was annoying the driver. I saw the shiniest Range Rover I’ve ever seen staring back at me. The car had to have been fresh off the assembly line. “Now that’s what I call a car,” I thought to myself. There was no traffic so I didn’t understand why the driver was disturbing the neighbourhood. I forgave him. After paying that much money for his car, he was entitled to press anything inside it as much as he liked.
I kept walking.
The driver horned again. I looked up to find a hairless, middle-aged, thug-like looking man smiling at me.
Ah, the penny dropped.
Who cares if he looks like something out of the Sopranos? I stood up straight and ran my hand through my hair to make sure every braid was in place. I smiled back.
‘You’re gorgeous!’ he shouted.
My power walk turned into a strut. The pavement became my runway. Smiling rather coyly at him, I looked away and carried on walking. As I got close to an intersection, he turned into the street ahead of me and parked.
Ah, don’t park your car, I was only playing with you!
I carried on strutting, though. I couldn’t stop now. He had stroked my ego. I was seriously feeling myself.
When he realised I wasn’t walking in the direction of his car, he drove back onto the main road and kept trailing me.
I was flattered. I kept smiling at him. He smiled back. I’m amazed he didn’t have an accident. Dude was paying zero attention to the road ahead of him.
‘You’re beautiful. Come on, hop in!’ he said, his words falling over themselves. That was when I realised he was wasted.
Hop in to where? If you want to die, please do me a favour and die alone.
My smile disappeared. MEE, what have you gotten yourself into?!
I quickened my pace; the turning to my street was only a few yards away.
“You’re sexy babe. Gorgeous figure. Beautiful smile.”
I looked around me. There was no one within earshot. You wanted to flirt right? Don’t stop now, carry on!
God you know I didn’t mean it. I was only joking!
Just as I got to the top of my road, the car wheezed past me and the next thing I knew, the man had jumped out and was staggering towards me.
I sprinted all the way to my front door. Slamming the door behind me, I stared into the mirror in the hallway.