I’ve been living alone for just over a year and ladies and gentlemen, I LOVE IT! After years of putting up with people and their issues, I finally have my own space. It might be short lived though as I’ve been considering moving into a flat share to save a few pennies. I can’t be paying rent for the rest of my life. Time to plan for bigger things.
I was scouring the internet to see what’s available and I came across this advert on one of those find-a-flat-mate type websites.
“I am looking for a ‘straight’ black African Christian female to share my lovely fully furnished double bedroom in a clean modern apartment in North Finchley. This is a great opportunity to live in a luxury modern flat for a token.”
I immediately made three assumptions. The advertiser must be straight, Christian and black African herself. A perfect match given her criteria, I was curious to find out what her expectations were. I ignored the emphasis on the ‘straight’ and carried on reading.
“You will also be sharing a fully fitted ultra modern kitchen with dishwasher etc, a modern bathroom, large lounge / diner.”
“There is a large sofa bed in the flat and if either of us needs privacy (i. e. having boyfriend over) the other can use it.”
Huh? Why would I need privacy if I had my own room? I didn’t get it. I re-read the advert from the top.
“I am looking for a ‘straight’ black African Christian female to share my lovely fully furnished double bedroom…”
Ah, I see. Half a bed to let. It’s a one bed flat and she is looking for a ROOM MATE. The emphasis on the word ‘straight’started to make sense. I’m supposed to share a BED with this strange ‘African Christian female’ so she needs to be sure I can resist the temptation to jump her in the middle of the night.
Wait, if she is a Christian why would I need to exit my spot on the bed for her boyfriend? I thought Christians didn’t do sex before marriage? Oh sorry, I forgot, it’s the 21st century. Silly me.
So, will she change the sheets after Mr Boyfriend leaves or how will it work? Will I need earmuffs for the night? The morning after, when I need to shower and get dressed, will she slide my clothes and things under the door or will I have to get them out the night before? Will Mr Boyfriend be comfortable knowing I’ve been banished to the sofa while he and his ‘straight black African Christian female’ are visiting psychedelic realms on my overpriced £500pcm half of the bed?
I think I’ll take the flat. It’s the only way I’ll get the answers to my questions.