Before you Do, Make Sure It Flushes

I apologise in advance because I’m about to gross you out.

I walked into a public toilet this afternoon. As soon as I walked in, I heard a familiar sound. It was similar to the sound you hear when you throw a rock into a pond. Accompanying the sound was a deep throaty groan.  I had to stop myself from laughing out loud.

This public toilet is only used by a few people, all of whom I know. The guessing began.

I wonder if that’s X or Y. Y’s voice is quite high pitched though. A’s voice is husky but I’m sure I just saw her leave the building. Is G in today? Hmn.

A few seconds later, a familiar smell began to waft my way. Coma alert!

My first instinct was to run out of the loo but the miscreant in me stayed put. I really wanted to see who it was. Never mind that I would embarrass her.  I scrunched my nose and waited. Three minutes later (yep, I was counting), the loo went quiet.

Aha, she’s finished!

I wasn’t sure how much more of the stench my nostrils and stomach could tolerate. I heard her attempt to flush. Nothing. She tried again. Nothing.

If I wasn’t in a public toilet I’d have thrown myself on the floor in fits of laughter.

She tried again. Nothing.

I’d repeat the words that came out her mouth but for decorum sake, I’ll pass.

The door of the cubicle opened. Out stepped a woman I’d never seen before. Our eyes met.

I tried. I really did but I couldn’t help myself. I burst out laughing!

The poor woman went red.

‘How long have you been standing there?’ she asked.

‘Long enough,’ I replied still laughing.

‘Oh my god! I’m sorry, I have a bad tummy.’

Still laughing, I nodded in understanding. I really was trying to stop but I couldn’t!

 ‘What do I do? It won’t flush!’

I couldn’t respond. I was laughing so hard my shoulders were shaking violently.

Embarrassed, she ran out of the toilet!

‘COME BACK!’ I thought to myself, ‘You still haven’t flushed and  YOU DIDN’T WASH YOUR HANDS!!!’


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