What Would You Do If…Your Partner Was Unfaithful

Infidelity is not a new phenomenon. It existed in biblical times and it’s done a pretty good job of staying relevant.  Every day I open a newspaper, there’s one more politician that’s been caught cheating on their partner and one more pop star caught frolicking with their backing dancer. I speak to people I know and someone’s uncle’s been cheating on his wife while someone else’s mother’s been cheating on her husband. Someone is always cheating on someone and I pray fervently to God that my name will never be someone.

The women I’ve asked about infidelity are more likely to be analytical about it, conjuring different scenarios and factors that would affect their decisions. I’ve met some women who have accepted that men will always cheat and as a result have resigned themselves to the inevitability of marrying a cheating man.  The average man on the other hand, is much less forgiving about the prospect of his woman cheating. Every time I’ve consulted a man on the issue, the speed and passion with which they’ve declared the hypothetical marriage over, has been consistent.  

My heart literally (and I mean that) aches when I imagine my partner cheating and I beg heaven every day, that it will never be my reality.  I wouldn’t know what to do. If he was my boyfriend I would most likely end the relationship in a heartbeat but if he was my husband would I divorce him? Would I forgive him? How would I know he wouldn’t do it again? What if he wasn’t even sorry he did it in the first place, would I fight for my marriage for the sake of any children we might have?

The scenarios are plenty and questions even more so.

So tell me, what would you do if you discovered your partner/boyfriend/husband was cheating on you? Would there be any factors that would make you more tolerant of his/her action?

I’d really like to know.


Waila Caan


  1. Waila,very sensitive question with a wide varieties of opinion.You never really can say what you would do except you are in that situation.


  2. If its a boyfriend, i would just tell him that my headshrinker suggested that i stop seeing him because he is distorting my image of reality but if its a husband……hmm thats 1 helluva hard nut to crack(especially if we have got kids) How can i ever trust him again?! Do i have it in me to forgive him, because that process takes more than 3 words. Questions, Frage, Ibeere! Honestly i dont know what i would do…….


  3. Once upon a time I had really strong views on how I would deal with a cheating husband. It was simple really, just send him divorce papers in the post. The older I get, the more I realise that it isn’t that simple. I pray it doesn’t happen to me and I try not to think about it but when I hear stories of infidelity, it really infuriates me.
    Like you’ve all said, you’ll never really know how you will react till you find yourself in a situation. May we forever be ignorant.


  4. My mum’s friend is on dat level. She doesn’t believe men are capable to sticking to one woman. She always preach dat to me everytime I see her. She said it wil save me from heartache if I can believe dat.
    She said I should even expect to catch him in d act. Lol.
    She is funny but its a point of view worth looking at. Very few men are able to stay faithful. But they are many
    circumstances surrounding infidelity dat it would be diff to generalize all.

    But a woman dat cheats still baffles me. As a woman I can’t understand women cheating. My husband is enuf wahala dat I can’t imagine adding more to it.

    Just my view. But wud like to hear others



    Women and men are EQUAL.

    It follows that women and men are EQUALLY CAPABLE of committing adultery/infidelity.

    Think I’ll leave it at that.


  6. Mr Not So Anonymous 🙂
    Indeed, I’m by no means implying that only men are capable of infidelity. Women are just as bad. I posed the closing question as I thought about it. Blame it on poor editing.



    “Poor editing.”

    Guess you just can’t get the staff these days!!

    In that case, it would BE OVER IN A HEARTBEAT if I ever “discovered” that my partner cheated/was cheating.


  8. I realise that this post is old, but this is a topic I’m really passionate about. Like you said, its a situation that cannot be accurately analysed. Even looking at it hyothetically, there are anumber different scenarios, but I have come to understand that cheating is too rigidly defined, everyone cheats to some level… if you are getting anything from someone other than your partner, its cheating…. If we characterise cheating so broadly, then we can whip the women who have deep “conversations” with men into that fold as well.

    Back to the ideal world, there are some men that have never cheated, just like there are men with IQs of over 140. I think I’ve found one….. jury’s still out though.


  9. GBAO

    Waila Caan I think this woman has answered your question to some extent.

    Not sure what she means by “spiritual committment” though.

    Guess she’ll have to further define her semantics on that point. I for one ain’t buying her damn book just to find out!!


  10. I think u should forgive,
    But let me ask….. What would you do if you partner did the same thing again and again and again!!!!
    Would you break up!
    Would you wait a min and talk!
    Or would u forgive!!!!


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