Tales From the Underground: Man With Chair

This morning a gentleman stood next to me on the platform at my local train station carrying a folding chair. As soon as I saw him I knew it would be an interesting journey. Rush hour is not the time to test the usually polite Brits…their manners don’t wake up till 9am.

I got on at my usual spot and grabbed the only available seat in the carriage. Man-with-chair unfolded his chair and sat down. The drama wouldn’t start now. It may not start at East Finchley either but I was ready to pledge my allegiance to Gaddafi if the drama didn’t unfold before Kentish town. 

As the train got more congested, the frowns began to appear on people’s faces. Man-with-chair was taking up a lot of the space where the hordes of commuters normally pack themselves like sardines.

Woman-hanging-out-of-the-door: Excuse me, would you mind standing up? Your chair is taking up a lot of space and we’re trying to get on.   

Man-with-chair: Silence

Man-with-shiny-black-shoes: Oi mate, she’s right. You need to stand up. You can’t just sit there like you

Man-with-chair: silence

Man-with-tattoos: What the *#*@# is wrong with you mate? You’re being a #*@” twat!

Man-with-chair: silence

I would have been convinced he was deaf and dumb had I not over heard him profess his love to someone on the other end of his iPhone while we were waiting on the platform.

Woman-with-kind-face taps man-with-chair and begins to demonstrate with her hands, speaking slowly, “You (points at man) need to stand up (lowers her palm and then raises it slowly).”

Man-with-chair: blank stare.

Man-with-shiny-black-shoes: #*@*#! If this is just ridiculous, #*@# ridiculous!

Man-with-shiny-shoes, man-with-tattoos and woman-with-big-red-bag proceeded to educate the rest of us on the problems with Transport for London, disability, the coalition, and ‘Boris the Muppet who looks like something that escaped from a zoo.’

 Man-with-tattoos: Why the *#*% would anyone bring a chair on the train! If we all did that it would be mental! “&8@#$” retard! That’s what happens when the government refuses to look after people with issues.

Man-with-chair:  silence

Man-with-tattoos was still ranting when the train pulled up at Angel. Man-with-chair got up, folded his chair and erupted in fits of laughter as he hopped off the train.

Never a dull moment on the Northern Line!

xxx

Waila

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13 comments

  1. this got me laughing out so loud..
    this is the comedy of the day. can it feature in the metro or evening standard. i am sure someone would write about it in metro tomorrow. lmao!

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  2. I lovveeeeeeee this! Even more hilarious since these are F central is my semi-local station too! Classic YouTube moment.

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  3. I lovveeeeeeee this! Even more hilarious since F central is my semi-local station too! Classic YouTube moment.

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  4. Geeze must have taken everything for man-with-chair to hold his laughter till he was getting off.

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  5. Man-with-chair got up, folded his chair and erupted in fits of laughter as he hopped off the train.

    Ak – No way… thats hilarious

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  6. LOL. I was on the Northern Line yesterday, sadly only two stops. But that didn’t stop me from running into an old man bathed in tattoos and piercings!

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  7. @Tonianni: The Northern Line goes through Camden…that’s all the explanation you need! Lol.
    @Annette O: Hi semi-neighbour 🙂

    I don’t know how the man managed to keep a straight face. I was in stitches long before he got off the train. I just love being on the underground ’cause it never fails to inspire me. There are many nutters in London I tell you!

    p.s.
    I’m surprised no one commented on the number of typo’s. Y’all are so forgiving! Lol.

    xxx

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  8. i’m so late but this must be teh funniest post you have so far oh my goodness!!! heeeeelarious! thumbs up to the guy! He must have woken up that morning and decided to catch trips on the northern line all by himself… imagine the conversation with his friends over beer that evening! haha!

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  9. The Underground is drama on its own. No need to carry an Ipod or Mp3 player or read the metro. Just sit down with your popcorn, and watch drama unfold on the daily.
    The Northern Line itself is crazy. I used to live around Hendon, and I noticed the nutters usually came from any stop after GoldersGreen.

    Nice blog. I am having a blast here

    Like

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