This morning a gentleman stood next to me on the platform at my local train station carrying a folding chair. As soon as I saw him I knew it would be an interesting journey. Rush hour is not the time to test the usually polite Brits…their manners don’t wake up till 9am.
I got on at my usual spot and grabbed the only available seat in the carriage. Man-with-chair unfolded his chair and sat down. The drama wouldn’t start now. It may not start at East Finchley either but I was ready to pledge my allegiance to Gaddafi if the drama didn’t unfold before Kentish town.
As the train got more congested, the frowns began to appear on people’s faces. Man-with-chair was taking up a lot of the space where the hordes of commuters normally pack themselves like sardines.
Woman-hanging-out-of-the-door: Excuse me, would you mind standing up? Your chair is taking up a lot of space and we’re trying to get on.
Man-with-shiny-black-shoes: Oi mate, she’s right. You need to stand up. You can’t just sit there like you
Man-with-tattoos: What the *#*@# is wrong with you mate? You’re being a #*@” twat!
I would have been convinced he was deaf and dumb had I not over heard him profess his love to someone on the other end of his iPhone while we were waiting on the platform.
Woman-with-kind-face taps man-with-chair and begins to demonstrate with her hands, speaking slowly, “You (points at man) need to stand up (lowers her palm and then raises it slowly).”
Man-with-chair: blank stare.
Man-with-shiny-black-shoes: #*@*#! If this is just ridiculous, #*@# ridiculous!
Man-with-shiny-shoes, man-with-tattoos and woman-with-big-red-bag proceeded to educate the rest of us on the problems with Transport for London, disability, the coalition, and ‘Boris the Muppet who looks like something that escaped from a zoo.’
Man-with-tattoos: Why the *#*% would anyone bring a chair on the train! If we all did that it would be mental! “&8@#$” retard! That’s what happens when the government refuses to look after people with issues.
Man-with-tattoos was still ranting when the train pulled up at Angel. Man-with-chair got up, folded his chair and erupted in fits of laughter as he hopped off the train.
Never a dull moment on the Northern Line!