Tales From The Underground: The Perils Of Innocence

Forget stripping grandmothers and your over weight bare and hairy-chested father coming on to your friends…children have got to be the most embarrassing creatures on this planet.

Last night on my way home from work, I sat opposite a man who was carrying his daughter on his laps. The girl, no more than 4years old, kept squirming and demanding a seat of her own.

“Daddy, I want my own chair!”

“There are no empty seats honey, you have to sit on Daddy’s laps. We haven’t got far to go.”

At the next stop, the lady sat next to them got up and like a seasoned commuter, the little girl pounced on the empty seat. Just as she was getting comfortable, a pregnant woman appeared in front of us. Her father, gentleman that he is, immediately grabbed his daughter and made to lift her back on to his laps.

“You have to let the lady sit down.”

“But why daddy? That’s my chair!”

“The lady is carrying a baby and needs to sit.”


While they were still squabbling, the man next to me got up and offered his seat to the pregnant woman.

“Daddy why does he have to stand up? It’s his seat.”

“I’ve already told you honey, there’s a baby inside her stomach that she has to carry around. She is probably tired and needs to rest.”

“Ooh, so that’s why her tummy is so big. Her tummy is ‘pregernat.’  Do you know who put the baby there?”

The pregnant woman obviously feeling maternal smiled at the little girl, “the baby’s daddy put it there.”

“Are you married?”

“No, I’m not.”

“So why are you having a baby? Nana Marie says that people who have babies when they are not married are naughty people. Are you a naughty person?”

The pregnant woman went a hundred different shades of red and the little girl’s father looked ready to kill someone.

“Honey that’s enough! You’re being very rude and daddy doesn’t like it.  Apologise to the lady!”

Tears began to flow from the girl’s eyes.

“But I’m only asking if she is a naughty person. Nana Marie says she is!”

“Apologise to the lady!”

“I’m sorry lady.”

The man picked up his now wailing daughter and wrapped her in his arms while mouthing his apologies to the pregnant woman. He still had murder in his eyes though. I looked at his fingers and realised he wasn’t wearing a ring. Call it speculation but I reckon he had only just discovered what Nana Marie thinks of him and his baby mama!




  1. too much innocence! we need to be more like children atimes and call a spade a spade..

    i cant imagine what the woman would say to her partner when she gets home!


  2. Waila, you are too much! You must make these tales from the underground a regular feature! LOL. The way you capture such moments in writing is just classic – keep them coming!



    God bless the children. They are the only innocent beings left on this planet.


  4. hopefully the little girl won’t go away from that experience confused.
    I wonder what daddy’s response would be if she comes home a few years later with a baby in her belly and no ring in her finger…


  5. Did the conversation really go in that direction with everyone else listening on? Oh wow! Must have been horribly embarassing for the lady! lol
    Oh bless little children!


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