To Move Out or Not to Move Out?

This morning my status on my blackberry read ‘anyone willing to house me rent free?’ When I think about how much I pay in rent, I weep. I was thinking about who I could harass to lend me their spare room when I overheard a conversation between two of my colleagues. One of them recently bought a house and the other lives with his parents and siblings. Both men are in their thirties and Homeowner was taking a pop at people who earn a wage and still live with their parents.  Apparently, said people are irresponsible and need to learn about responsibility. He was advising Live-at-Home to move out of his parents’ house and I found myself doing two things which are out of character for me. I butted into a conversation that didn’t concern me AND then got into a heated debate with Mr Homeowner. Talk about swallowing Panadol for another man’s headache!

 “I know it’s none of my business but Live-at-Home, do yourself a favour and ignore Mr Homeowner! It’s alright for him because he can afford the deposit he needs but please, until you can too, don’t even thing about moving out to pay rent!”

“Excuse me Waila, why are you interrupting this conversation?!”

Na you sabi.

“I agree it’s not my business but where do you get off calling people that live at home irresponsible?! I suggest you Google the definition of irresponsible. You’ll find it doesn’t have anything to do with living at home after a certain age! ”

“I think they are irresponsible, that’s my opinion. You don’t have to agree with me!”

 “That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. How can you tell him to move out and pay rent when he can be living rent free and saving up to buy his own place? Where’s the sense in that? Who is he trying to impress, you?!”

I was ready for war! I tried to tell myself to mind my own business but I couldn’t stop myself from laying into Homeowner. I went on for a good 15minutes about the long term benefits of putting up with family drama and at the end of it, Live-at-Home looked fully persuaded. Mission accomplished.

Paying rent is painful. If I saved up the amount of money I pay in rent for an entire year, I’d be £8,000 richer for it! Who in their right mind won’t want to do that?! I know that living with family has its challenges and you’ll have to put up with a lot of crap but I think if you can stick it out till you save up enough money to buy your own place, it’s worth it. I know a number of people who have managed to do just that and I can’t tell you how jealous I am of them. Five years ago I had an offer from my cousin Dee to live with her and her family. I said no even before she finished asking! I was independence hungry and much as I love my cousin, I wanted my own space. I can categorically state that that’s one of the worst decisions I’ve ever made in my life. If I’d taken her up on it, I’d probably own my own home now.

Who makes the rules about what one can and can’t do?! Why should I let someone else tell me at what age I ought to leave home?! I should go out and pay someone else’s mortgage while you pay yours abi? You try well well. Ose gan!  If you want to move out of home at 18, knock yourself out.  Just don’t go about making people who choose not to, feel like they’ve flunked one of life’s greatest tests.

Rant over. This blogging thing is therapeutic gan! ☺

So what do you guys think? Does it make sense to move out of home and pay rent when you could live at home and save up to buy your own house? Feel free to disagree with me. I promise not to chew your head off…I’ve still got Homeowner’s head in my mouth. *wink*

xxx

Waila

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10 comments

  1. Def best to stay home and save of for as long as possible if possible. But i do appreciate some living conditions at “home” can really be a pain in the behind…

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  2. Please if my family lived in the same city as I did, I would totally live at home. No amount of frustration I get from my family could beat the $18k I pay each year on rent. And oh did I say I’m always at the boos place so my $18k is pretty much storage to avoid sending my mother to an early grave by living with a man who isn’t husby yet.

    Everyone knows their family wahala, if yours is one that gives you sleepless nights, then by all means go find your own space so you can sleep at night, and if it isn’t that drastic, stay home jare and enjoy momsie’s free meals, freedom from paying certain bills, priceless family time,etc

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  3. Homeowner should chill for real. I wouldn’t advise anyone to step into fully fledged independence until they are really ready for it. We are all built differently and there are no rules and no time limits except the ones we place on ourselves (or as in the case of homeowner, – others). This recession dey bite, so people must shine dem eyes gan before taking a leap into what could spell trouble. I’m all for saving for your own home.

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  4. I’m with you MEE, save what you can and endure the grief you get from home.
    Having said that, I know of some parents that charge their kids rent or bills or food money of the kid is working. Do you think that’s fair – to an extent I do, especially if the parents are quite old, retired or nearing retirement age.
    So for some people staying at home doesn’t = saving, it’s like having your parents as house mates. Weird! You might as well move out and have the freedom that comes with the pain of paying bills.

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  5. I’m glad we’re all singing from the same hymn sheet. I was afraid I’d have to hunt you guys down! 🙂 Living at home can be a royal pain but I think as long as neither yourself or your parents are wicked people, you can find a way to make things work. You will probably have to live by their rules but it may well be worth the agro in the long term.

    @Adura: I agree, you’ve got to do what’s right for YOU. Peer pressure is so pre-nursery!

    @MsLuffa: I did say that to him as part of my argument. Some people live at home and contribute quite significantly so calling them irresponsible is incredibly insulting!

    @Bee: Please send your mama’s number so I can report you! 🙂

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  6. Dear MEE,

    If i have misread, i apologise in advance but i don’t think it has anything to do with peer pressure. Once in a while every one of us is given an opportunity to tap into the know how of meeting objectives we aim to achieve; an example is becoming a property owner and potentially going on to own plenty or just the one, if that suits you.

    Home owner may not have employed measured tact in delivering his message across, nevertheless there is a degree of truth in the overall context of his argument. I agree circumstances in the last “year+” have not being ideal, but maybe the dialogue is a medium/catalyst for non-home owner find his light bulb moment and determine how he will acquire that which he is yet too.

    Full marks to you for pointing out to home owner that it is wrong to deem everyone who resides at home as irresponisble.

    Stay Bright.

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  7. We often think the grass is greener on the other side…but you will never know until you actually go to the other side…so if you really really want to know…ask your cousin if you can move in with them for a few months…

    My guess though is that you will realize that the peace you get is worth more than the money you pay…. Just a guess…

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  8. there are pros and cons of both sides. but if i have to choose i would advice living with family till one is ready to start own family.

    my reason for that is it builds community integration,it ensures we are are there for one another more often, it also offers offers protection from alot of things.

    but the flip side,you have to live with some1 that will let you breathe and offer you some freedom.

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  9. MEE, I’m with you 100% this time around.. 😉
    Frankly Homeowner sounds quite unreasonable and a bit full of himself and condescending – basically saying he is responsible while live-at-home guy is not. As you’ve rightly pointed out, sometimes living at home is the financially responsible thing to do, depending on your circumstances. The exception as others have pointed is when the downsides of living with family outweigh the benefits of the money you would save by doing so!

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  10. @IyasOStuff: I have experienced both sides of the coin so I am speaking from my own experiences. I understand too well the challenges that come with living with people and like many, I totally sold out to the independence and peace that living alone can bring. I say what I say with the benefit of hindsight.

    @Anonymous: Hey! I agree that it’s good to have a vision and a plan of what you want to achieve but when you make someone else feel inadequate for not living by your own timelines, and then try and persuade them to do something they are ill prepared to, that’s undue pressure. Stay-at-Home lives at home because he’s trying to save up to start his own life. He has his plans and for someone to tell him his way is wrong I think is inappropriate. Different strokes no?

    @Bambs: Hi5! Lol. As long as both are doing what’s best for them, I have no qualms. I just couldn’t stomach the condescending tone of his argument. It’s a good thing we’re friends so the debate ended with a good laugh 🙂

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