INTERRACIAL LOVING

If you know me well you will know that I am desperately seeking a blonde haired, blue eyes, Irish gentleman to walk me down the aisle. I got the fantasy into my head when I was about 13 and now that I’m older, wiser and living in London, the probability of the fantasy becoming a reality has quadrupled! I don’t what but there’s something about the Irish accent that makes my knees give way. I can listen to Ronan Keating and Pierce Brosnan speak for days.  *sigh*

I was round about 18 when my mother and I had an interesting exchange. She went fish shopping and didn’t get the fish monger to clean and cut up her haul.

“Mummy why didn’t you get them to clean the fish?”

“It’s just fish. Stop moaning and come and help me.”

“I’m not touching that stuff. It’s disgusting!”

“If your mother-in-law asks you to clean fish is that what you will tell her?”

“Why would an Irish woman ask me to clean fish?!”

I was only acting the fool but you should have seen the way her pupils dilated. I think it was the first time it dawned on her that the man I bring home may not be Nigerian. She said something I don’t dare repeat and told me to get out…which I did rather promptly. Fast forward to 2011 and all I hear from her is “God will give you the right person.” “It doesn’t matter where he’s from.”  It’s funny how desperation for a grandchild has made her relax her standards.  It’s fine by me because I now know that even if I bring home a goat, as long as it has the ability to impregnate me, there will be no arguments.

One of my Nigerian girlfriends is currently engaged to a Swedish guy. When they got engaged, a mutual friend of ours made a comment that got me thinking. She said “I’d been thinking of who I’d hook her up with when the relationship ended.” Her comment implied a number of things but one of them was that she didn’t think the relationship was serious because of their different ethnicities.

I watched the movie ‘Something New’ over the weekend. Sanaa Lathan’s character went on a blind date and when she found out her date was was white, she looked like she’d just been diagnosed HIV positive.

What is it about interracial relationships that make people so uncomfortable and sceptical?

I’ve heard all sorts of arguments from cultural differences, to slave trade, to black people who date white people are ashamed of their race, to white women only date black men for the sex (that famous myth) and money (think sports stars). I could go on and on but whatever the reason, there are people who are vehemently opposed to interracial relationship and for the life of me, I cannot understand why. It’s one thing to have a personal preference but when you decide others have to abide by your own principles, I reckon you’re having a Hitler moment. Back up and come again.

So tell me, have you ever and would you ever date someone of a different race?

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15 comments

  1. Always had a thing for guys with British accents for as long as I can remember.
    I personal see nothing wrong with interracial relationships. I honestly don’t see myself ending up with a Naija guy, only God knows what he has in store.

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  2. GBAO

    Mummy once told me when I was 17 that she DIDN’T CARE who I brought home.

    Her ONLY condition was that the lady (if she turns out to be white) EMBRACES my BENIN/WARRI CULTURES as much as I have EMBRACED the oyibo man’s “culture” (whatever that is)!!

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  3. “It’s fine by me because I now know that even if I bring home a goat, as long as it has the ability to impregnate me, there will be no arguments”.. I literally burst out laughing.. Your sense of humour is world class!
    Personally, I want the cute mixed-race babies!!!! 🙂 But honestly, I would like to date someone from another race for the ‘experience’ (I know that’s not a valid reason for dating a human being, but truth be told, I’m curious:-)
    Seriously though, I believe that there are added pressures in inter-racial marriages including cultural differences. There may be hurdles to cross but I believe in the long run it is very possible. I know many personal examples of inter-racial marriages that have lasted years and in which both couples are very happy but on both parts there had to be lot of compromise and sacrifice. (In one case the woman was disowned by her British family) nevertheless the joy on their elderly faces when they are together is more than worth the hassle they must have been through..
    So the answer for me is Yes, I would date someone from a different race.

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  4. I have dated women of all cultures and bakgrounds…. I hve lived in amazing places, just as I live currently in the Caribbean… I am an American who has earned a great life… I am still in the search of a wonderful woman, but I do have a preference. She is white just as I am… it is not to say that I’m locked into a list of preferences, it is to say that the woman I have found that I enjoyed the most made an impression upon me and I look for those qualities in others… Can there be a black or an Asian version of her who could do the job better? Yes… by the way…if you find one of those women who can be simply amazng…point them in my direction… I’m finaly at the point where I feel it’s time to settle down a bit….lol

    T.

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  5. Definitely think we should move over to the 21st century – our world is so interconnected and we are becoming so monolithic, that cultural and racial differences play a little part in our fundamental psyche. But then, pple have their preferences which I don’t mind, what I mind is when those preferences are expected to be shared by others. Can I date a non-Nigerian, well hells yeah. Would I rather date a Nigerian, again, nationality plays a part, but not that much a part, it is all about the person within.

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  6. I am to marry a man who is Hispanic; I am Caucasian. He is American, I am Canadian; we live in NY. I barely notice his race, nor does my family — they notice he’s kind, fun, funny, and takes great care of me.

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  7. Hi T,

    You’re 100% entitled to prefer to date a white woman. Not sure how many of them there are in the carribean though so good luck with that! Lol. I’ve got some pretty amazing single friends in London so should you need my help, my services are available…for a small fee of course 🙂

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  8. Waila, A friend sent me the link to your blog. I’ve spent a great deal of time (time that was earmarked for hacking my way through reams of papers as I’m in the midst of a minor work crisis) reading your posts.

    You’re a wonderfully engaging writer. And what’s more, you’re freaking me out because I swear, we are the same person. Well, obviously not literally but yeah….soul twins.

    Okay. Slightly stalky comment ends here. I’m a fan!

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  9. How i go marry oyinbo babe, how she go cook amala, poundo and ogbono for me at 5am and not see it as slavery. Abegi lets stick to our own kind jare

    Deuces…Medo

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  10. I am going to marry a bulgarian and I am african american. I have always been attracted to guys who treat me right. Their race was never been an issue.

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  11. Ok, if he can tromantically teach me to speak French fluently>>> I’d be colour-blind. 😀
    Nah, i doubt I can even inter-tribal marry not to talk of inter-racial :O

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  12. Great post. Ive dated inter-culturally ( I think less of race as the barrier but cultural differences) and it definitely depends on the individual. A couple of the foreign men I’ve dated have had some weird and major misconceptions and stereotypes about African women and I’m not one to teach history and culture 101 while dating someone especially when it comes up very early in the relationship. I know wonderful multicultural couples who fully embrace and respect ttheir blended cultures and that for me is what matters. Whoever Im with regardless of his origins needs to fully love and accept me {not inspite of or because of my race or culture because theyre just some dimensions of who I am- for example my faith is a more important dimension}. In summary it all comes down to LOVE and friendship for me.

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  13. I am white, and I haven’t dated anyone that isn’t white, but I’m typically attracted to black guys more than white guys. I’ve been seeing a black guy for a while now, and even though we don’t technically date, we act like it.
    I don’t think race should have anything to do with who you fall in love with… Love is love, plain and simple.

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