“I think we should break up.”
“Huh? Where did that come from?!”
“I’ve been thinking about it for a while and I don’t think we’re right for each other.”
“Babe, how can you say that? Did I do something wrong? Tell me so I can fix it!”
“Darren, you’ve done nothing wrong. You’re perfect, you’re just not perfect for me.”
“Sorry, what does that mean? Are you saying I’m not good enough for you?!”
“Babe, you’re taking this the wrong way! I’m not saying you’re not good enough for me, all I’m saying is I don’t think we are a good match.”
“Explain it to me Amanda, tell me what’s so imperfect about us!”
“You’re a great guy and I really like you but you don’t, you know, set my heart on fire.”
“Well excuse me for not knowing I was supposed to give you heart burn.”
“Spare me the sarcasm! Look, it’s over, deal with it. I need more than this. I need excitement, someone who will sweep me off my feet, plant butterflies in my stomach. I want the magic Darren and I don’t have it with you.”
He stared at me like I’d sprouted horns. “You’re breaking up with me because you don’t think I’m exciting?! Forgive me for not sweeping you off your feet with fancy holidays, fast cars and champagne fuelled nights out!”
“Now you’re being ridiculous, that’s not what I mean and you know it! All I’m saying is my heart doesn’t skip a beat when I see you, I don’t get goose bumps when you hold me and I don’t feel like my world would crumble if you weren’t in it.”
“You really should stop reading M&Bs.”
Snatching his car keys off the coffee table, he silently made his way out of my flat…and my life. A part of me wanted to call him back, to tell him I was only joking…but I couldn’t. I needed more than he had to offer. I needed to feel something beyond love and affection. I needed passion.
I have a list, he is the list. Great job, check! Home owner, check! Gentle, check! Kind and generous, check! Thoughtful, check! Loves me to distraction, check! Romantic, check! Christian, check! He is everything I’ve prayed for. I just didn’t think the man of my dreams would bore me to tears. He is so good, too good. He’s never been drunk, never smoked, never partied, never had a girlfriend, never had sex and wait for it…he doesn’t know who Beyonce is! Come on, even the Pope knows Beyonce! I’m not saying I want a bad boy but he’s too straitlaced. I want someone with experience; been there, done that and had enough but with a little swagger left over. I know he’s a good man and will be a fantastic husband and father but what about passion, doesn’t that count for anything? All I’m asking for is a little something extra…like a glass of water with a slice of lime in it. It’s still water but with an added tang. Is that asking for too much?