Two Become One Problems: Who Ate My Rice?!

If you think you’re the most selfless person that ever lived, I dare you to move into a house full of people and promise to be there for you when you realise just how selfish you really are. Don’t judge yourself too harshly though, communal living brings out the worst in us all. The manifestation of your selfishness will take different forms but today, we’ll be focusing on food.

A couple of days ago, I had a Facetime date with one of my girlfriends. At some point during the conversation, I noticed her opening up cupboard after cupboard, making a right racket. I almost died laughing when she confessed that she was looking for somewhere to hide a packet of biscuits from her husband! I couldn’t judge her though because heaven knows I have on occasion, rushed home from work to make sure I got to the leftovers in the fridge before my Yoruba boy. First come, first served!

Thanking you very much for your prayers, it will be well.

When you live with people, the contents of your fridge develop hands, legs, wings, propellers and all sorts of agents of transportation. But when you get married, it’s a whole new ball game. You see, when you live with strangers or even siblings, you can set boundaries. The boundary lines might be crossed by the brave amongst them but when you’re screaming at your sister for eating the bowl of rice you left in the fridge, you will feel justified. Try screaming at your husband when (and not if!) he eats the bowl of jollof rice you left in the fridge and if you don’t feel foolish as the words are flying out of your mouth, I envy you!

You see, the concept of two becoming one creates all kinds of problems in a home. It implies that what’s mine is yours and vice versa. There’s no more me, it’s now us. It means you cannot claim sole ownership of ANYTHING , especially things in the fridge, after all, OUR money paid for them. Never mind who journeyed to the supermarket, who stood sweating over the cooker and took the initiative to pack up the leftovers. All that one is for your pocket. Na who carry sense go market na him dey chop bellefull! In other words, you snooze you lose!

jollof

There are few things more painful in life than spending all day dreaming about the jollof rice in your fridge only to get home and find out it is no more. Such was my fate the other day. If not that shame would not have allowed me to cry, I would have wept for England. Alas, these are some of the problems that arise when two people are targeting one bowl of rice.

I have learnt my lesson.

I’m up and out of the house before my Yoruba boy gets out of bed so if there’s anything in the fridge I’m feeling particularly proprietal about, I get in there and take it to work with me. I will leave him to come up with his own strategy.

Every man for himself, God for us all!

xXx

Waila

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23 comments

  1. Girl you’re too funny! I feel your pain though. Its especially more painful when you always leave half your food because you can’t finish it only to come back to zero of your food when you want to eat it. I’d say the pain comes from the hunger pangs in the belly if I hadn’t have felt it in my chest behind my racing heart.

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  2. Lol. This post is so apt!! I am ashamed to say I have hid supermalt and also moinmoin in the freezer cos I know he wouldn’t check there. Pls Abeg sometimes that selfless wifey nature goes on vacation.

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  3. Hahahaha…i’m pretty sure I cracked a rib. Lord! You are hilarious!
    …I can relate to the sibling part though, especially my brothers whom i’m convinced can move food/goodies just by conjuring up the thought in their minds…. The marriage part though, I can’t relate and can’t imagine how I would react.

    ….”There’s no mine or yours, there’s only ours” – Truer words never spoken.

    Thanks for sharing this delightful post Waila. I do hope he doesn’t see this post or your strategy just lost its effectiveness o.

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  4. I feel u my dear, I hide my favourite food cos he only eats what he sees thou sometimes he surprises me.

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  5. Buahahahaha….. i can so relate. The pain is indescribable because who can you report to? Ogbeni stole my last plantain chips!!! Gaddemit.

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  6. So you just realised u have to be taking it with you to work? If u dont want to go through all that stress hide it in ur freezer under all the uncooked pieces of meat. 🙂 u should have learnt ur lesson since with gege & bobo in lagos!!!!!!! Next door.

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  7. So Nah-Oo-mi, iz me that you cast like this in public. I am judging you, Baba God sef don judge you finish. You didn’t blog about who finished the last bottle of ekpa o. When I spent hours praying on the mountain, hoping to come down to soak Garri and ekpa but alas, my Benin Geh used the last gran-not for snacks whilst scrolling through instagra.

    I don judge you finish. Shior!!

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